Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
