Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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