Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
