Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
