The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
