The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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