I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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