You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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