Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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