i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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