smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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