I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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