We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We are two peas in an std pod
Someone shattered a urinal.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
