You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
