I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
