so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
