Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
