Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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