What did we do last night that was yellow?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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