I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
