she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Vodka?
Forever.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
