i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
