i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
