Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
