As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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