He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
