Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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