I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
