So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
