the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
