look no pants
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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