i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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