Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize