I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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