just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I looked at my own cervix.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
