sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
