Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
