Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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