just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
