I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
