Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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