I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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