Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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