This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
