You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
