Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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