Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
