I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I need moral support for this bender
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
