Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
