I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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