So drunk, too bad you don't want this
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
