That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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