Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
