i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
