i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
