So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
