I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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