RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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