went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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