I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
