Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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