Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize