I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
love makes seman taste better
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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