I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
