I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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