Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
