So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
