Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
