It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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