If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
