3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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