Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize