the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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