im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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