i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize