pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
