party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
