Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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