Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
