He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
